It’s always good to laugh out loud—they say it’s good for the soul. This post is all about musician jokes, get ready to laugh a bit.

Q. What is the difference between a savings bond and a guitarist?

A. Eventually a savings bond will mature and earn money.

Q. How many guitarists does it take to play Stairway to Heaven?

A. Apparently all of them.

Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?

A: Would you like fries with that?

Q. How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?

A. Put sheet music in front of them.

Q. What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist?

A. One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.

Q: What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar?


Q. What’s God’s favourite chord?

A. Gsus.

Q. What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

A. Homeless.

Q. How do you get a million dollars?

A. Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.

Q. What do all the greatest guitarists have in common?

A. They're all dead.

Q. Why were guitar amplifiers invented?

A. So the guitarist would have something to stand his beer on.

Q. How do you work out who the guitarist is at a party?

A. He'll tell you.

Q. Why do guitarists have to wake by 6?

A. Because most shops close by 5.30.

Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a bass player?

A. A tattoo.

Q. How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?

A. By the Domino’s Pizza hat.

Q. How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?

A. Shoot One.

Q. What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?

A. Big Mac and fries please!

Q. What's the difference between a guitarist and a puppy?

A. The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.

Q. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a musician to pick up women?

A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q. What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?

A. A music critic.

Q. What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?

A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q. What did the blues guitarist's gravestone say?

A. I didn't wake up this morning.

Q. How does a guitar player show he's planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q. Why don't Uke players play hide and seek?

A. Because no one will look for them.